…I think I’ve fallen asleep and had an epiphany. Why? What’s happened?
Well, first it was the item on BBC News tonight about "Predator Awareness Training" for Great Bustards. I’m sorry, I noticed your capitalisation as an attempt to make this seem more important than it is, but what are you blathering on about?
It was a "Silly Season" filler on the BBC News tonight – apparently the great bustard chicks that are being imported to Britain don’t seem to understand that british foxes find them a delicacy. And?
Well, they get eaten. So someone in the importation programme has come up with the brilliant idea of subjecting the great bustard chicks to "Predator Awareness Training". And this is?
It seems to consist of a rather embarassed-looking alsation, apparently pretending to be a fox, being shoved into a pen of great bustards while volunteers throw water over the birds. And this accomplishes, what exactly?
Well, I think a lot of great bustard chicks getting wet and thinking "what the fuck is going on?" I see.
Wait, there’s more! I was afraid of that.
Yes, researchers at MIT have come up with the Electronic Squirrel. I notice you’re using capitals again. It almost makes me afraid to ask what an electronic squirrel is.
It’s brilliant – it’s an animatronic desktop cuddly toy squirrel that – you’ll like this – answers phone calls, works out if you are busy or asleep, evaluates how important the incoming call is and takes messages. I can’t believe you’ve just said that.
No, really, here’s a spiffing series of photos that try to give you an idea of how cool this cute squirrel is in action… Look, can we just pull the plug on humanity now? I think this experiment has just about run its course…